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final whistle calling! [Jan. 30th, 2010|11:25 am]
and today i move into a huge room, paying 530 a month in rent, and out of the lovely house i have shared with three awesome, fantastic, incredible Saffas (South Africans). Man, i'ma miss living with them. During my three years in London I have moved 5 times and this is the only place where i've felt so comfortable.

time to move. just got to finish drinking my coffee.

i'd like to say on to bigger and better things, but this place is pretty perfect.
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(no subject) [Jan. 27th, 2010|11:24 pm]
[The Shit Hot |Muse - Exogenesis: Symphony: Part 3 (Redemption]

i want my marriage back.
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(no subject) [Dec. 1st, 2009|12:30 pm]
I'm now single.
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(no subject) [Oct. 29th, 2009|09:05 pm]
I really have no clue what to do with my life. I want to help people and/or animals but I want to stay active and be on my feet.
Become a nurse?
Still want time for my music too.

I'd really like to help people emotionally and/or care for animals.

It's a tough one. Amanda wants to go to Uni but i'm not ready (story of my life). I want to travel.

Then again, if I study up and get trained in mediumship like my sister, I'll be able to help people LOADS. I should do that.
That sounds like a plan.
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"They're just afraid to change.." [Oct. 29th, 2009|03:06 pm]
[Current Location |United Kingdom, London]

You would think that someone trying to sabotage a close friendship of mine would make me angry. It's the normal response, isn't it? Or that it would make me disappointed in the person who I had tried to help, who wanted to be friends... but no, i'm really not angry at all. i'm not sad, i'm not disappointed, i'm not mad, i'm not really anything really.

i'm pretty apathetic towards this person. they have played their games so much that it's not even surprising to me anymore. what i do find surprising is how sincere they manage to make themselves sound and that i still fall for it, because i don't expect people to lie and manipulate. i find it so pointless that it escapes me to consider someone, with a proven history of it, would try the same thing.
naive, yes, I am apparently so in abundance.

my friend and I are still good friends despite the attempts of his kinda-ex-but-not to sabotage our friendship because she's jealous of me. she's been jealous of me for years, jealous of my strength, resentful because people like me so much, and now she's jealous of how much her man and i get along, and has even given him the impression that she thinks we're in love - and she knows i'm married and knows how into women I am.
Let me state again - she KNOWS this.
She lied to him about me and lied to me about him...

Why try to sabotage a friendship?

More importantly, why lie to the person who you apparently want to be with? Why do that to him? Why try to take away one of his good friends? Why do that to someone you claim to love?

Why don't people change?
Why don't SOME people change, actually.

I've changed a lot. I'm far more mellow than anyone thought I ever would be and I am very proud to have changed - for the better.
I wasn't a bad girl before, but I did have some very abrasive points that a lovely, beautiful woman has helped me smooth over.
What my lady has taught me is that if you really truly do care for someone enough, you'll work on those rough edges so you can make them as happy as possible.

I am glad that specifically you two people are people of honour and integrity. No one is perfect, but you have qualities that are admirable in humans, qualities that make me love you and make me appreciate you even more in times like these.

I hope nothing comes between my friendship with this guy. We love each other dearly. I just don't trust what bullshit she might pull out to separate us to satisfy her petty jealousy.
My poor buddy. It's far worse for him than it is me.

Peace out, people.
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Work [Oct. 15th, 2009|10:04 am]
[The human in me is |pissed offpissed off]
[The Shit Hot |Marvin Gaye]

I've really had enough of this job. Fed up of working for people that ass kiss to try and get their way up to the top. It's gross.
Fed up of NEVER having time for anything. Get up at 7, travel to work, get home just before 7, in bed by 10 and since I have problems with food, everything has to be cooked by hand. No microwave meals, no processed snacks for me to keep me going.
I have no time for my friends, I have no time for myself, I have no time to enjoy anything.

London makes me sick. This cycle i'm in is making me sick and I am fed up of it.
I have £11,000. Is that enough, I ask myself. Surely, I should aim higher, make more, keep my future safe. Or shall I say 'fuck it' and pay the consequences for choosing happiness and freedom and love over money and career progression and a safety net.
I know if I went over to america I could be earning 50k - that would be handy when I do manage to get over there.

But do I want to spend my days sitting on my ass, allergies irritated, sinuses blocked from a lack of movement? Do I want to hurt my eyes everyday, struggle to get in a good run every afternoon, just for the money? Just for the "it could come in handy"?

I know it's not what I want to do. I want to be moving. I want to be exerting energy. I NEED to be doing these things because my energy levels are profound and yet here I am sitting on my ass whining about my damn desk job.

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You gotta love Soul. [Oct. 13th, 2009|09:27 pm]
[The human in me is |calmcalm]
[The Shit Hot |Guess!]

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(no subject) [Sep. 26th, 2009|11:40 pm]

The best thing about it is that my wife is here with me, otherwise the polluted sky of London would hold nothing for me. No hope, no dreams, no promise, no soul, just money.
Te iubesc atât de.
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(no subject) [Sep. 17th, 2009|10:28 pm]
[The human in me is |jubilantjubilant]

I love my life.

I make 1700 after tax.
I have an amazing wife.
I do right by people and I feel awesome for it.
I aim to better myself every day.

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Love Song for a Vampire [Sep. 16th, 2009|04:35 pm]
[The human in me is |working]

Come into these arms again
and lay your body down
The rhythm of this trembling heart
is beating like a drum
It beats for you it bleeds for you
it knows not how it sounds
For it is the drum of drums
it is the song of songs

Once I had the rarest rose
that ever deemed to bloom
Cruel winter chilled the bud
and stole my flower too soon
Oh loneliness Oh hopelessness
to search the ends of time
For there is in all the world
no greater love than mine.

Love o love o .... still falls the rain
Love o love o .... still falls the night
Love o love o .... damned forever

Let me be the only one
to keep you from the cold
Now the floor of heaven is laid
the stars are bright as gold
They shine for you they shine for you
they burn for all to see
Come into these arms again
and set this spirit free
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